The Code Of The Brits (v1.1)

Preamble

What it is

The BritCode is a set of symbols that lets you classify yourself in various categories. The resulting string of information can then be placed in your signature, in your .plan file or on your home page, allowing anyone who is familiar with the Code to get an idea of who you are.

If you've been here before, but want to know what changes have been made for version 1.1, there's a list at the end.

Why it is

The BritCode is a rather pathetic attempt to generate more hits for my home page. Okay, seriously...

The BritCode is unashamedly modelled on Robert Hayden's excellent, groundbreaking GeekCode (although one or two ideas have been borrowed from the (excessively complex) Gothcode). It is not, however, simply a de-Americanized GeekCode: most of the categories are original and deal with the off-line world. The BritCode makes an excellent complement to the GeekCode for British geeks, or a fully-featured standalone code for ungeeky Brits.

I've no idea if non-geeks will be interested, of course, as the compiling of a code like this hints at some nerdity quotient, but I imagine that it could be quite useful for regular users of uk.* newsgroups. For example, the Home category enables you to identify other people in your area - handy for planning social events IRL.

How to use it

Read this document carefully and assign yourself a rating in each of the categories, according to which description most closely matches your opinion/appearance. Then string them all together to make something like this (which is also a handy index):

Brit(S) H++:U--:- a20 s+++:- hg+>++ b! m! y! X---: P-- S++ M-- R--->$ !A+++ C- T! TV- Ci- MuR+++ACIPZ+ Am+++ Ac? B+>+++ V-- (v1.1)

Put the code in your signature or .plan file, or anywhere else you think is relevant.

For ease of decoding, most categories range from +++ to ---, so all you have to do is remember what the initials stand for; no need to remember how many pluses that ++ is out of. The downside of this is that the value mid-way between the extremes is not necessarily neutral.

Non-participation

It is not compulsory to rate yourself in every category. If you think that anonymity is the best thing about the internet, feel free to leave out such things as hair, beard, age and sex. If you don't wish to be pigeonholed by your politics, leave out those categories. If you think a category's irrelevant, just ignore it. But don't cut out too much, or you'll look silly.

Also, if you are using the BritCode in conjunction with the GeekCode, I would advise against repeating information. This will require choosing one as your primary code and using the other to fill in the gaps.

The Code

Modifiers

Certain universal symbols can be used to fine-tune your rating in any of the categories.
>
Aspiration. If you aspire to a higher (or lower) score in a particular category, use the aspiration modifier. h+>++ indicates that I currently have shoulder-length hair but would like it to be longer.
<
Nostalgia. If you look back to a time when you had a different rating, use this. h++<- would indicate that you had long hair but got it cut. (NB Unlike with aspiration, the current state is on the right.) Please don't use this idly: we all change from time to time. Save the nostalgia modifier for states you miss (in our example, perhaps the person had to get their hair cut because of their job). Also, don't use more than one nostalgia modifier at a time: the purpose of the code is to describe who you are.
/
Schizophrenia. You qualify for two scores about equally. h--/+ might represent a short sides/long back cut. Please don't use this for adjacent states just because you're too indecisive to categorize yourself more firmly. The likes of h+/++ will be frowned on.
( )
Variability. You don't always stick quite to the stated rating. TV+++(++) would be a telly addict who didn't always have time for their weekly fix. TV-(+++) would be someone who hardly ever watches television, but has been found vegetating in front of the screen. Note that values in between will be assumed possible as well: if you don't want this, use the combination TV-/(+++).
@
Randomness. You're so indecisive that you've been known to hold all the stated opinions in a short period of time. This can be used with or without a rating. @R- would be an agnostic who fully expected to wake up tomorrow believing something different (vaguely redundant in this case). R@ would be someone who was so random on the religion issue that they couldn't pick out a value to centre it on (NB Not the same as @R, which does pick R).
?
Ignorance. You haven't a clue what I'm on about. TV? would indicate that you'd never even heard of television.
!
Hate. You refuse to have anything to do with this activity. I imagine that P! might be common. !TV++ would be someone who hates television but watches it anyway. (Occasionally a specific translation of the hate modifier will be given - it should be completely equivalent.)
$
Remuneration. You get paid for this activity. A Scottish Nationalist MP would style him- or herself S++$.
Modifiers can be used in any combination that makes sense. Some examples follow, with possible interpretations.
A+++<!
A reformed alcoholic.
TV+++$<+>---
A retired TV critic who would like to cut it out of her life altogether.
P?<->$
Someone who had no idea about politics until they were inspired by Tony Blair, and would now like to be a New Labour(TM) MP.
R?>++
Someone who had no idea what religion was, but who has been inspired by the description in the BritCode to believe in God. Not amazingly likely, it has to be said.
Certain modifiers can also be used for the entire code:
Brit!
The BritCode is a stupid idea and I refuse to take part.
!Brit...
The BritCode is a stupid idea, but I've made up my code anyway.
Brit@
I'm so random, there's no point in trying to categorize myself.
Brit?
A logical impossibility.

The Categories

Brit

First assert your Britishness, with optional declaration of nationality using CI/E/NI/S/W. For example, Brit(W) denotes Welshness (Welshhood?). CI is new, for Channel Islands residents.

Home

Use this to give a rough indication of where you live.

[The British Isles]

For those of you with text browsers (graphics types can skip to here)... imagine a map of the British Isles, divided into seven vertical sections and five horizontal ones. The five horizontal sections are evenly spaced, starting at the west of Northern Ireland; the dividing lines go through (approximately) the south-east corner of Northern Ireland (where it joins Eire); such diverse towns as Aberystwyth, Plymouth and Falkirk; the easterly extremities of Scotland (at both north and south), the east side of Manchester and the west side of Birmingham; and the Humber estuary, the western tip of the Wash and central London.

The topmost vertical section is excessively large, taking in everything down to a shade north of Dundee. Then there are six even sections right to the bottom, with the divisions going through Ayr and Jedburgh; the westernmost point of Northern Ireland, the northern tip of the Isle of Man, and Darlington; the centre of Manchester and the north end of Liverpool; Lowestoft, the centre of Birmingham, and the vertical centre of Wales; and the southernmost coast of Wales, Newbury, and Canterbury.

I suspect my map (and my map-reading) is a little squint. Feel free to correct me if I've misplaced your town.

So, now you've got your map divided into 35 boxes, you need to know how to label them. It's easy. H+++:++ is the extreme north-west; H---:-- is the south-east. H: is right in the centre. Getting the idea? It's H(north->south):(west->east).

Students can also specify the location of their university, unless it's obvious from their e-mail address - nobody needs to be told where gla.ac.uk is, but uea.ac.uk might need more prompting. H--:-U++: might be one of the many English yahs at Edinburgh. If both happen to be the same, be brief with HU+:+.

Other people who spend more than 3 months away from home in an average year can specify two (or more) areas with the schizophrenia modifier. Eg, H+:-/---:++.

> and < are also applicable, but please use sparingly.

Personal

The net was meant to herald a new age where appearance wouldn't matter. That's why the first question anyone asks of a new acquaintance is "What do you look like?". To cut down on this chatter, tell them all they need to know in your code.

Age

Either use something like a20 to indicate your exact age, or fudge it with one of the categories below.
a---
0 - 19
a--
20 - 29
a-
30 - 39
a
40 - 49
a+
50 - 59
a++
60 - 69
a+++
70+

Size

Like Home, there are two parts to this. It goes s(height):(width).
s+++:+++
I'm one of those very tall people who always seem to sit in front of you at the cinema. / I'm one of those very fat people who always seem to sit next to you at the cinema.
s++:++
People call me tall / fat.
s+:+
Nicely taller / cuddlier than average.
s:
Average.
s-:-
Not quite as tall as average. / A bit skinny.
s--:--
I'm not short, okay? / I'm clinically underweight.
s---:---
Okay, I am short. / I'm Jarvis Cocker.

Hair

A slightly different two-part category that lets you specify both hair length and colour.
h---
Skinhead or bald
hf--
Fair, intimidatingly short hair
hb-
Short brown hair
hd
Dark, kind of average-length hair
hg+
Shoulder-length ginger hair
hr++
Red hair, goes a way down my back
h+++
I can tie my hair around my waist to make an attractive belt. Well, it's either that or trip over it.
Interesting dye colour of your choice not listed? Use h followed by the colour, eg hpurple++.

Facial hair

Beards...
b+
"Designer stubble"
b++
Goatee
b+++
Unruly growth
Moustaches...
m+
Bumfluff
m++
Solid, bushy effort
m+++
Long, droopy effort

Sex

Use this to denote both your gender (x for girls, y for boys) and your current relationship status. For v1.1 of the Code, I have relented and allowed z for unspecified gender. Some people do like their sexual anonymity on the net. And then disclose the details of their love life. Bizarre.

Another change for this revision is that the facility to specify the amount of sex you're getting has been dropped. Although some of the categories were mildly amusing, it merely duplicated the relationship info or allowed some rather dodgy boasting (eg y-:+++).

z+++
Been in this relationship for as long as I can remember.
z++
Been seeing the same person for a while.
z+
In a steady relationship.
z
In a sort-of relationship.
z-
Kind of between relationships right now.
z--
Haven't gone out with anyone in a while.
z---
Okay, so maybe I <cough> haven't actually... look, it's none of your business, okay?
z!
I can't stand other people. (NB Not just the opposite sex. Help stamp out misogyny by leaving people unable to express it.)

Sexuality

From a suggestion by Jon S Green, this new category gives you the chance to express your sexuality and your tolerance of others'. If this had been in widespread use during the previous year, it might have averted a few flame wars I saw on Usenet. The template is X(polarity):(openmindedness).
X---:---
Totally hetero. / Irreconcilable homophobe.
X--:--
Straight but maybe not totally. / Can't really cope with gays.
X-:-
Prefer the other gender. / Don't dislike, don't understand.
X:
Complete freedom of choice! / Unfazed.
X+:+
Prefer my own gender. / Get on well with gays.
X++:++
Almost completely gay. / Most of my friends are gay.
X+++:+++
Totally gay. / I had a straight friend once....
I suspect there's some redundancy here (X++:-- would be a pretty messed-up individual) but there's no obvious way to get rid of it. Thanks to Jon for providing the categories, which I felt no need to alter.

Politics

Much as you might like to, you can't get away from it. The BritCode has a thriving Politics section that lets you express a number of views.

Party allegiance

P+++
BNP
P++
CIB / Referendum Party / Tory right
P+
Tory left
P
Blairite Labour
P-
Liberal Democrat
P--
Traditional Labour
P---
SWP / RCP / Other far left organization
PG
Green
Yes, P and P- are the right way around. I thought of putting them that way in v1, but decided that it was too much like clumsy satire. Now it's a matter of objective fact, and one that Tony Blair himself seems quite proud of. I'm considering whether to swap P and P+.

Devolution

The Scottish blethering classes are forever going on about being ruled from Westminster. Here they get to express themselves in the BritCode.
S+++
Independence! We can take on the world!
S++
Independence in Europe!
S+
A devolved assembly with tax-raising powers!
S
A devolved assembly without tax-raising powers!
S-
A powerless assembly as a sop to shut up the whingeing Scots!
S--
The status quo!
S---
All power to Westminster! Up the English Empire!
S!
The constitutional issue just distracts us from the real social problems.
(I would very much like to include a Welsh equivalent of this, but I am ill-informed as to the state of debate in that country. For now, use the above with S replaced by W. It would also be nice to address the question of Northern Ireland, but that would be an area in which to tread carefully. Suggestions would be welcome.)

The Monarchy

The monarchy debate has been revived of late. How do you rate?
M+++
Long live the queen and all her descendents!
M++
Better a monarchy than a republic.
M+
We couldn't get rid of that nice Elizabeth.
M
It's always been there. I suppose it always will be.
M-
I don't like what some of her children have done, though.
M--
Inherited power is incompatible with democracy.
M---
Sell Buck House! Put Liz on the dole! Kill her kids!

Religion

I felt obliged to include a category on religion, but I would urge caution. R+++ and R--- especially could offend in some circles, so don't use them unless you're prepared to defend yourself.
R+++
Evangelical believer. I won't rest until you're converted.
R++
I believe very strongly, but I realize that not everyone wants to hear about it.
R+
I believe in a quiet, private way.
R
Nominally of some faith, but not active.
R-
Agnostic. We really can't tell, can we?
R--
Atheist. Oh yes we can.
R---
Evangelical atheist. I won't rest until you've seen common sense.

Drugs

What would life be without a litte artificial stimulation now and again, eh?

(I'd like to a category for Ecstasy, and possibly one for LSD, but (poor, sheltered creature that I am) these are outside my range of experience. Can anyone help?)

(Not that I have any experience of cannabis. Of course not. Whatever gave you that impression?)

Alcohol

The most widely available, and arguably the most dangerous of the lot. Rate your inebriation:
A+++
Alky.
A++
I drink a lot, but mainly on Friday and Saturday nights.
A+
I drink for fun.
A
My consumption's about average.
A-
I drink occasionally.
A--
I drink only on special occasions.
A---
Teetotal.
A!
Sanctimonious teetotal.

Cannabis

Almost as widely available as alcohol, if you believe the statistics. It now seems more likely than not that you'll have tried it; how did you like it?
C---
Never tried it.
C--
Didn't inhale.
C-
Not something I do regularly.
C
Something I do regularly.
C+
My friends comment that I'm a bit of a dope addict.
C++
It's a wonder I ever found the motivation to complete this code.
C+++
<giggle>

Tobacco

Tobacco's retreat before the health onslaught seems to have slowed; announce your place in its fight-back.

(Okay, technically the drug is nicotine, but you wouldn't want people thinking you were doing patches, would you?)

T+++
Dennis Leary's "Trachiotomy Man".
T++
20 a day. Packets, that is.
T+
I smoke a lot.
T
I smoke.
T-
I smoke a little.
T--
In theory I've given up, but....
T---
I don't smoke. Not at all.

Leisure

Most people have some leisure time; what do you do with yours?

Television

Everyone has felt the power of the evil box in the corner. How successfully do you resist?

TV+++
I devote my life to the worship of the screen.
TV++
I do embarrassingly well at the Telly Addicts questions.
TV+
I watch more TV than I should, including at least one soap.
TV
I have average viewing habits.
TV-
I pride myself on watching only quality television.
TV--
I only watch worthy programming, such as the news, documentaries and highbrow drama.
TV---
I don't watch television at all.

Cinema

Similar to watching TV, but for people with a life, cinema-going is enjoying a continuing upswing in popularity. How often do you go to the pictures?
Ci+++
I see most films in their week of release, and my friends are shocked and saddened by the depth of my cinematic knowledge.
Ci++
I go to the cinema at least once a week, and operate as a kind of portable Barry Norman for friends.
Ci+
I go to the cinema about once a fortnight, but I'm pretty selective about what I see.
Ci
I go to the cinema when there's something I particularly want to see, or as a social thing.
Ci-
I only get dragged down to the cinema by Independence Days or Jurassic Parks.
Ci--
Cinema? Why bother? It'll be on video soon.
Ci---
Video? Stuff that, it'll be on the telly in a couple of years.

(From a suggestion by Richard Pluck.)

Music

If music be the food of love, love is clumsily intruding on something beautiful. Speaking of clumsiness, this is another awkward two-part category, with the pattern Mu(genres)(rating). It's possible to have some odd combinations here, as demonstrated by my code: MuR+++ACIPZ+. You'll notice that rather than separating A+C+I+P+Z+, I've put them all together before the +. It's more readable and just as accurate.

Another thing that's worth noting about the string of symbols above is that I haven't bothered including the genres I dislike. Personally, I think -- and --- would be best used without any genre codes (ie, to say that you dislike music in general), but you may feel that MuR--- is something you just have to get off your chest.

MuR+++
(Rock) is everything I want from life. I listen to it almost constantly.
MuI++
I love (indie), as my neighbours will testify.
MuP+
I'm partial to (pop), but it isn't that important to me.
MuD
(Dance) is something I use as background noise.
MuJ-
(Drum and bass) isn't great, but I listen to it occasionally.
MuA--
I don't like (ambient).
MuZ---
I hate (jazz).
Other allowed codes that there wasn't space for are C for classical, F for folk and W for country & western.

Amigas

Well, they still haven't made it into the GeekCode, and there's a disproportionate number of users in Britain. Even if this is a geeky category, my conscience is clear.
Am+++
I'm in the process of obtaining a marriage certificate for Ami and me.
Am++
I'm an Amigaholic. I'd rather die than downgrade to a PC or Mac.
Am+
I own and use an Amiga. It's cool.
Am
My Amiga is a tool. It performs adequately.
Am-
The Amiga's been left behind by new PC technology. I'm getting something better as soon as I can scrape enough money together.
Am--
So long suckers! I've got a PC now!
Am---
Amigas are underpowered, overpriced kids' toys. I only use real computers.
Am?
Amiga? That's just a games machine, isn't it?

Acorns

From little Acorn did the mighty BBC grow. But now times have moved on, and Acorn's flash RiscOS computers are disappearing even from schools before the onslaught of the PC, despite a base of fanatical users. Rate your experience of Britain's second minority computing interest.
Ac+++
Pete Bondar I want to have your babies!
Ac++
I own at least 2 Arcs and have my own slightly hacked version of Risc OS!
Ac+
Risc OS rocks, PCs suck.
Ac
My Arc's ok.
Ac-
Windows 95 gives me everything I could want the riscos has, I'll get one soon.
Ac--
I've upgraded to a Real Computer!
Ac---
Acorn is a chain around the neck of British computing. All schools should use Windows NT.
Ac?
Acorn? Isn't that a school computer?

(Thanks to Jasper Wallace for this category.)

If stating the simple fact of Acorn ownership in your BritCode isn't enough, you want to check out the Acorn Code, which allows you to describe the components of your setup in quite scary detail.

One point that mades to be need here: there are currently no plans to introduce more computer categories to the BritCode. It's quite geeky (and open to allegations of plagiarism) enough without copying the GeekCode wholesale.

Books

All literate people can read. (No, really.) How expensive is your habit?
B+++
I read a book a day. At least.
B++
I read a couple of books a week.
B+
I try to make time for at least one book a week.
B
I read a book or two every month.
B-
I only read when I'm on holiday.
B--
I don't read for pleasure.
B---
Anything worth reading has pictures that tell the story.

Miscellaneous

Uncategorizable categories.

Vegetarianism

It seems everybody's doing it these days. Are you?
V+++
I'm a vegan. No animal-related food of any kind for me.
V++
No meat at all, although I do like my dairy produce.
V+
No red or white meat, although I have a curious blind spot when it comes to fish.
V
No red meat, although I'm partial to chicken.
V-
I still eat meat, but not as much as I used to.
V--
I'll eat any dead animal you put in front of me. The cuter the better.
V---
The more these veggies go on at me, the more meat I eat. Often making pathetic bleating noises when I stick my knife into it, just to annoy them.

Version Number

This is version 1, revision 1 of the Code, and to mark this fact I recommend adding (v1.1) to the end of your Code string. It may not seem important now, but if drastic alterations are made in future revisions, you may end up being taken to mean something you don't.

For reference, the following categories are new or have changed (however slightly) in v1.1:

You now have all the information you need to create your own BritCode string. But don't go away until you've had a glance at the information below.

Legal Status

The BritCode is copyright � 1996 Neale Grant. Distribution on the internet is permitted as long as no fee is charged and the file is unmodified; other reproduction is prohibited except by special arrangement with me.

The BritCode is E-mailware. If you like it and use it, e-mail me and say so. Comments, suggestions and typo reports are always welcome. It took me a few hours to put it together; it only takes you a few minutes to tell me it was worth it.

Credits

The following people have contributed to the current version of the BritCode in some way, for which they will no doubt be reincarnated one notch higher up the social scale. (If I've missed anyone out, it's an accidental omission rather than a snub. Take comfort from the fact that I'll be reincarnated that little bit lower for it.)

My appreciation also goes out to those who have taken the time to e-mail me (or even approach me in bars - cheers Alex!) with kind words about the BritCode. However, although there would be ample room to name all few of you here, it doesn't seem appropriate. You're not forgotten, though.

Return to my home page